Wife, mommy, diabetic....my sanity is missing!!!

It's been 5 years since I decided I wanted to become a nurse. Yet, 4 years later, I haven't made any progress towards that goal. I can't go back to school because we can't afford it. Between daycare and the tuition, we'd be under water before the sun went down for the day.

Resent.

I was asked by my husband to watch one of his friend's kids so the guy's wife could go to training for her new job.

More resent.

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this SAHM/SAHW stuff. It's like I spend my day yelling and screaming at two kids. My husband said he understands but I honestly don't think he does. No matter how I try and explain it, it never comprehends to him like it does in my head.

*sighs deeply*

I pray things get better cause I'm sick of hating the decisions I've made.

I'm trying out a new Blogger app out on my Hero. Hopefully I like it.

I talked to my husband yesterday. We discussed alot and we seem to have a pretty good plan to deal with our misunderstandings. It's weird how some days I can love him more than my heart can hold. Then other days I can hate him as much as I hate my ex's.

4 years together, 3 years married in September. It takes work. Lots of work to make a marriage work and keep it together. Yet it worth every minute of hard work

I can't begin to remember when the last time I'm was truly happy.

I take that back. Last time I was truly happy was when my daughter ran into my arms after not seeing me for months.

Before that, I have no earthly idea.

I'm tired of catering to everyone else. Fucking tired. Let my husband tell it, nothing I do is right. I'm constantly fucking up with something.

He's coming home in a few weeks and I can honestly and truly admit that I'm not looking forward to it. Of course, I want him home safe and our daughter wants her daddy.

I've been in Tennessee exactly 10 days. And I want to go home. I'll be here another 5 days to make matters even worse.

Why is that you ask?

I missed my flight. And also because as soon as I set foot in Tennessee, I was waiting on my husband to say something related to my past fuck up which has led us to where we are now.

I started seeing a counselor this month. Only have had one session so far. Honestly, I doubt it's gonna work but whatever. My husband wanted me to do it and I did for him.

I'm slipping back into a depression. And honestly, I don't even care that I am going back down that road again.

Wow!! I can't believe I haven't posted in over 2 weeks. Well yes I can and I have good reason. My husband was home for Christmas Exodus *does happy dance* Nothing major happened during those 2 weeks. McKenzie's bday gathering, gambling in Tunica, and bring in the new year on Beale Street.

I went to see my endo earlier this week. He has ordered me to lose 20 pounds by this summer. He wants 10 of those pounds gone by my next visit in March. I can do it. I just have to buckle down and get in the groove of visiting the gym and eating right. I really would love to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I know I can get there too. He prescribed me some Actos, Metformin, Aprida, and Levemir. When I lose weight, I won't need as much of those. I've also had to choose a new glucose meter and I chose a Contour. Although I've had to make more than a few phone calls to Tricare's Mail-Order Pharmacy, I must say they are very prompt and have good customer service. My endo's office had to give me another pen of Apidra until the MOP processed my order.

Now on to friends. I am meeting lots of new females thanks to Twitter. Alot of them are diabetics and a few are military wives. There is one friend, who shall stay nameless. I'm not sure how much of my feelings of this person that I want to put on here. Let's just say this, a friend shouldn't abandon their friend when their husband is around them. Plain and simple. I understand that your marriage comes first, as does mine. But I have never put a friend on the back burner of the stove unless I HAD to. HAD=EMERGENCY. End rant. LOL

I miss my husband something serious. 2009 was a VERY hard year for him and I. And we both vowed that 2010 would be lots better. I will admit that I haven't been the best wife that I could've been. I haven't been by his side 100% like I should have and I acknowledge that. It took a major obstacle in our lives for me to realize just how much my husband means to me. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want him to know that everyday. I can't imagine him not being in my life. Yes, he may be short and he may always look like he's mad, but I promise he's the happiest man in this world right now. Why? Because I support him and his decisions. Fully and completely.

I think that covers everything that's been going on here lately. I might even feel like writing another post tomorrow. Only time will tell.