Friday, June 25, 2010

Not happy

I can't begin to remember when the last time I'm was truly happy.

I take that back. Last time I was truly happy was when my daughter ran into my arms after not seeing me for months.

Before that, I have no earthly idea.

I'm tired of catering to everyone else. Fucking tired. Let my husband tell it, nothing I do is right. I'm constantly fucking up with something.

He's coming home in a few weeks and I can honestly and truly admit that I'm not looking forward to it. Of course, I want him home safe and our daughter wants her daddy.

I've been in Tennessee exactly 10 days. And I want to go home. I'll be here another 5 days to make matters even worse.

Why is that you ask?

I missed my flight. And also because as soon as I set foot in Tennessee, I was waiting on my husband to say something related to my past fuck up which has led us to where we are now.

I started seeing a counselor this month. Only have had one session so far. Honestly, I doubt it's gonna work but whatever. My husband wanted me to do it and I did for him.

I'm slipping back into a depression. And honestly, I don't even care that I am going back down that road again.

3 Comments:

  1. AintIGorgeous said...
    Just pray about it Brandi.. there is no such thing as too big, or too deep of a problem for God.

    I don't mean to sound all preachy.. but try it.. if all else fails.. God won't fail you, or your marriage.
    saucyredhead said...
    I'm so sorry to hear that you feel this way Brandi. I know that road to dperession and I know it well. As hard as it is, you've got to try to change your way of thinking. If you think you will fail...you will. If you think something won't go right...it won't. Trust in yourself, your daughter, your husband & God. Most of all, learn to love yourself and know that you deserve happiness. Hugs to you!
    Will Blog For said...
    Hi Brandi...I until now didn't realize how much we have in common. As a Navy spouse I get the depression, the hubby being gone, and just how much it all sucks. Then throw in the 'everyday' life stuff and well it's a clear cut official recipe for disaster. I get it...and I think I get you a bit more...I can't even go into details on just how much I get it...but as I have considered therapy, and have considered just giving up...I trust that even though I don't know why most days...God Keeps Waking Me Up Every Morning. My boys need me, my family needs, me and well I need me to keep on keepin' on. That may not make you feel better, but just knowing that what I'm feeling, and what I'm experiencing is not some weirdo me thing..If you ever need to talk, cry, or just vent. Please email me and I'll give you my number...we gotta stick together!

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