Friday, June 25, 2010

Not happy

I can't begin to remember when the last time I'm was truly happy.

I take that back. Last time I was truly happy was when my daughter ran into my arms after not seeing me for months.

Before that, I have no earthly idea.

I'm tired of catering to everyone else. Fucking tired. Let my husband tell it, nothing I do is right. I'm constantly fucking up with something.

He's coming home in a few weeks and I can honestly and truly admit that I'm not looking forward to it. Of course, I want him home safe and our daughter wants her daddy.

I've been in Tennessee exactly 10 days. And I want to go home. I'll be here another 5 days to make matters even worse.

Why is that you ask?

I missed my flight. And also because as soon as I set foot in Tennessee, I was waiting on my husband to say something related to my past fuck up which has led us to where we are now.

I started seeing a counselor this month. Only have had one session so far. Honestly, I doubt it's gonna work but whatever. My husband wanted me to do it and I did for him.

I'm slipping back into a depression. And honestly, I don't even care that I am going back down that road again.