Wife, mommy, diabetic....my sanity is missing!!!

I'm trying out a new Blogger app out on my Hero. Hopefully I like it.

I talked to my husband yesterday. We discussed alot and we seem to have a pretty good plan to deal with our misunderstandings. It's weird how some days I can love him more than my heart can hold. Then other days I can hate him as much as I hate my ex's.

4 years together, 3 years married in September. It takes work. Lots of work to make a marriage work and keep it together. Yet it worth every minute of hard work

I spoke with my husband today on Yahoo messenger. And we have his official date. FINALLY! This date has been changed so many times over the past month it's not even funny. But it wouldn't be the Army if it was set in stone.

I can count on 3 hands how long it will be before my husband will be in my arms.

I can't begin to remember when the last time I'm was truly happy.

I take that back. Last time I was truly happy was when my daughter ran into my arms after not seeing me for months.

Before that, I have no earthly idea.

I'm tired of catering to everyone else. Fucking tired. Let my husband tell it, nothing I do is right. I'm constantly fucking up with something.

He's coming home in a few weeks and I can honestly and truly admit that I'm not looking forward to it. Of course, I want him home safe and our daughter wants her daddy.

I've been in Tennessee exactly 10 days. And I want to go home. I'll be here another 5 days to make matters even worse.

Why is that you ask?

I missed my flight. And also because as soon as I set foot in Tennessee, I was waiting on my husband to say something related to my past fuck up which has led us to where we are now.

I started seeing a counselor this month. Only have had one session so far. Honestly, I doubt it's gonna work but whatever. My husband wanted me to do it and I did for him.

I'm slipping back into a depression. And honestly, I don't even care that I am going back down that road again.

This will be a somewhat short post.

HOWEVER.

I want to say that I am very thankful an d gracious for all those who serve, have served, and have given their life to serve our country.

My husband is one who is serving. Going from the Tennessee National Guard to the active duty US Army, he has made me very proud.

By serving our country, he has missed alot of our marriage. When I was pregnant with McKenzie, Jeremy was in OSUT at For Leonard Wood, MO. He missed half of that. When I got my induction date, he was at Fort Dix, NJ preparing for his first deployment two months out of training. Luckily he didn't miss her birth. He was in Iraq the first year of our marriage and the first year of her life. I am grateful for him and the sacrifices he's made to provide for us. He is currently on tour number 2 and will be home soon. But never soon enough.



There are those who have been injured or KIA and my prayers are definitely with the families dealing with the loss of their loved ones.

This blog post is one I've been debating for a while on doing. My best friend, Andrea, said I should since I have alot on my mind. I can't thank her enough for talking me through this whole ordeal. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

A week ago, I got a very scary email titled "Almost got me."

 It was from my husband.

The gist of it was the Stryker he was in hit and IED (improvised explosive device). He had a concussion and a few other injuries. I thank God that he wasn't injured any worse than he was. Two others in the vehicle were casualties.

This is his first deployment injury. I knew it would happen at some point. It's part of the job, KWIM? I'm not some naive wife who thinks certain things will NEVER happen to my husband. Things like this remind me exactly what my husband sacrifices for us. A blessing and a curse at the same time.

Well lets start of with that today was a typical Monday.



I woke up at 07:32. My appointment to see my new endocrinologist for the first time was at 08:00. I had exactly 28 minutes to get dressed, drive to base, and check in at Madigan Army Medical Center(MAMC). Let's just say base traffic between 06:00 and 08:00 is ludicrous. Absolutely ludicrous i tell you. I got there at 08:05. Thank God the receptionist is a sweetheart. She rushed the paperwork and vitals for me.

My new endocrinologist is very nice. He knows what he's talking about. I was warned about the military doctors but I was very impressed this time. The overall visit was great. My A1C went from a 9.5 (December) to a 7.1 (March, on pump too) to a fawking 10 (May). A FREAKING 10! I almost cried when I saw that number. Yes, I haven't been the best diabetic there is but damn. I'm trying my hardest. Even more so now.

He looked at my logs and wasn't happy. Hell, neither was I but I digress. He decided to change me from Apidra to Novolog and also gave me Symlin to help my after meal bg's and to help with the grazing I'm trying to cut back on. I also had lots of labwork done again. This time I gave up 5 vials of my pretty red blood. I'm used to it by now. If I'm not, then something is definitely wrong.

I made a FB status about diabetes. I said that I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone but that some people need to live with it for 72 hours before making snide comments about something they know jack shit about. That pisses me off so much. I've had my share of those comments. Diabetes is a hard thing to control. Just like that fucking diarrhea of the mouth that you have.

I went with a friend, Tia, to a deployed spouses dinner. It was very nice and alot of fun. I met a fellow wife who's husband is in the unit that my husband is assigned to. It was good to talk to other people who understood these constant deployments. My husband has had 2 in 4 years. Tia's husband has had 4 in 7 years. The odd thing is my husband has 2 (yes, TWO) combat MOS's on him, yet Tia's husband's MOS isn't even combat or frontline. Odd workings of the Army I tell ya. Just never know which way that deployment flag is gonna swing...

ETA: Jsut got home from the gym and what do you know, I experienced a dizzy moment on the elliptical. Guess I jinxed myself cause I was low